Recently, I repeated something to Shane that I heard from a Pastor (can't remember which one) about conviction. ::This is not verbatim:: He said that we need to be careful with feelings that we think are a result of us being convicted. Conviction which comes from God is purposed for change. God doesn't try to belittle us and demean us. He confronts us with our wrongs, etc but then the purpose of that is for us to turn to God and CHANGE. The devil on the other hand comes with condemnation masked as conviction. Condemnation is purposed for destruction. That is what the devil wants...to DESTROY us and our relationships with God. The devil "convicts" us of wrong doing and causes us to feel denigrated and insufficient. And even sometimes we even question God's love for us.
I say all that to talk about something Kenny said to me today. I was telling him that I hope he enjoys his life yadda yadda & that I understand the type of person that he is and I was wrong for expecting him to be anything more than what he was and I said that I forgave him. He told me that I didn't forgive him because I'm allowing the past to predict my current and future reactions to him. And that it's my pride that's cutting him out of my life. Haha, that thing about pride is a shot at my fb status which mind you he has no idea about what I'm referring to. But I thought about it and realized that that statement could have broken me to pieces in the fast. He also said to me that he was going to go cry because that's what I do to him. That again, could have made me feel resentful or remorseful and I probably would have apologized in the past. But I'm glad that I'm at the point in my life that I am proud to be selfish. I am quick to do what's best and for me and not risk damaging my physical, emotional, mental, and most importantly my spiritual state of being.
I poured myself out for this guy ...stupidly... but hey, now I know better.
So quick to tell u what's "wrong" with you... how long can ne1 take that? But I'm glad you're dropping the negativity. Screw u, negativity.
ReplyDeletei like that picture. i just overanalyzed it like crazy, lol. I won't get into it.
Selfish. I see what you mean (i think) and I can't word my disagreement yet but u noe it sounds like a dangerous decision. I agree with selfish in terms of putting yourself first. I mean, if you don't put yourself first, who will? But selfish isn't always good.
Ftr i need def need to learn something about putting myself 1st. I tend 2 make life harder for me like that. Everyone likes you, but they don't feel that obligated to reciprocate.
If your gonna decide to put ppl 1st all the time, you have to decide to look up for the harvest and not at them. I think God always blesses me and I def believe you reap what u saw, what goes around comes around, etc... but u noe it's always disappointing when ppl don't treat you like you deserve from them.
I mean, i noe u don't plan 2 b selfish me-me-me. No selfish person could care enough to aspire to the type of profession you aspire to. Be selfish with who you decide to give your time and especially your heart to. I think that's what u mean, but the blessings r crazy when you give of yourself.