#8

Growth and Enlightenment

Just had a strange uncomfortable conversation with the source of 89% of my pain, heartache, and stress for the last 2 years.
He wanted to apologize for his actions and for the way that I was treated.
I don't know if I appreciated it, in that, I was relieved or happy that he went out of his way to genuinely apologize or w/e. But I guess I somewhat respected him about an ounce more for acknowledging his crap and realizing why I decided to stay away from him.
He said something about us being friends and I told him truthfully that i'm not ready for that.
I'm really not. Will I ever be ready? Maybe not... i don't know.
[P.S he requested me on FB over 3-wks ago and he's still sitting there waiting for a reply.]

But I've definitely grown because in the past (considering the circumstances surrounding the issue of: he & I) this conversation would not have gone this well.
I'm pretty sure that I should be upset. I should hate him. I should want to ridicule him and chastise him. But 1) that's not who I am. 2) I'm better than that.

I thank God for really setting me straight. Knowing that my focus is not other people. My focus is on the prize.
At any other point in my life I probably would have taken this 'new leaf' as an opening to go back and get back into the relationship or jump back into a friendship but my motivation is no longer to obtain the approval of people men.

Sidebar: I'm so grateful for my relationship with BMor. I'm really thrilled to have met him. Before him I don't think I've ever been friends with a guy where both of us were attracted to each other and formed a friendship totally based on strictly getting to know each other and sharing God. It really made me appreciate the friend aspect of it. And without having experience a friendship like that also like the one with Mr. Jackson I don't know if I would have been prepared for Mr. Right West.

God's timing can't even begin to make sense to us simple humans.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end